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| The Participants: |
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Hamden Playwright SC Beauty Booty Boys: The hosts. There are only two things
on the mind of a Playwright player -- beer and beautiful women -- and judging by the intricate patterns they weave
on a soccer pitch it is evident they get more beer than ladies. They lost their first game and immediately the
entire team, plus the cheerleaders, were seen seconds later guzzling vast amounts of pure Smithwick's Ale to drown
their sorrows. Their beer bellies full to overflowing, they proceded to be narrowly beaten 5-0 in their second
game. Realising it was not beer, but booty they needed, they duly complied and bounced back with a complete 6-1
gubbing of their opponents in the third game. Then they went back to the beer to celebrate, gallons of it, and
henceforth lost 5-0 in the final. Will these boys ever learn? No, not as long as there is beer to be consumed in
vast quantities. And booty. Preferably in that order. |
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Milford Amigos SC Secret Service: Nobody
saw them arrive, some say it was by a HALO dive (parachuting - high altitude, low opening). No-one saw them leave,
some say they were extracted by a US Navy SEALs team in from Long Island Sound. Attempts to take pictures were
strictly forbidden. The picture at left is actually from a special ops mission in 2008 that we managed to acquire
(for a lot of money). So, why were they here? After an undercover investigation into the identities of the team,
we have discovered that their star centre-forward is John F. Kennedy, allegedly assassinated in 1963, and the whole
team was there to guard him while he had a few pints of Irish Ale between games. We are also lead to believe the
goalkeeper is no other than Pope John Paul II, who allegedly passed away in 2005, but we cannot confirm this sighting
because the team did a brilliant job of protecting him! |
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Glastonbury Celtic FC Convicts XI: Once
again these bhoys were given their annual day out from the Connecticut State Penitentiary and once again they stole
the trophy. Literally. Winning came so easy to this team, you would have thought they were mugging their opponents.
Well, they were. As you easily dribbled around them a couple of them would lift you off your feet, turn you up-side-down
and take all your possessions that fell out your kit, while another would run off with the ball, threaten the goalkeeper
with Grevious Bodily Harm and stuff the ball in the back of the net while the goalkeeper dived in the opposite
direction. Anyone who complained to the referee had their arms broken and threatened their house would be burnt
down. The Convicts won convicingly; 6-0, 5-0, 4-1 and 5-0. Four wins out of four, scoring 20 goals and conceding
just one. As for the player who scored against them he is still reported as missing and police are continuing their
investigations. |
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El Grecos SC Porn Stars: A hybrid squad
of players (only one Greek among them!) scraped from the bottom of the barrell -- literally. This team had the
oldest players and the fewest substitutes, but heroically won the crowd over with their dazzling performances,
and then watched them play football, which wasn't quite so dazzling. The Porn Stars gave it their all, until their
last game when the Viagra ran out and they give a very limp effort and bent over for the Booty Boys who were desperate
for victory and a money shot. But who can forget such legends as Sir Spiro Thrustalot, Vic Three Legs Smith, Tom
Stiffwood Karasay, Gabe The Babe, Omar Oh-my
and Gaz Thatsafrakkinhugeone Archer? When not playing, they were willing to entertain anything that moved. They
complained about stiffness all day and nothing went unmolested. Even for the team photo at the end of the day,
one player couldn't make it because he was too busy humping the leg of a lawn chair. |
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The Results and Standings: |
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| Games were 25-minute halves |
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| Hamden Playwright |
1
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Milford Amigos |
3
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(HT 0-0)
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Pl
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W
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D
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L
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F
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A
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GD
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Pts
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| Glastonbury Celtic FC |
6
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El Grecos |
0
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(HT 2-0)
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1
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Glastonbury Celtic FC
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3
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3
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0
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0
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15
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1
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14
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9
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| Hamden Playwright |
0
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Glastonbury Celtic FC |
5
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(HT 0-1)
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2
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Hamden Playwright
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3
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1
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0
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2
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7
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9
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-2
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3
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| Milford Amigos |
4
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El Grecos |
6
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(HT 2-3)
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3
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Milford Amigos
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3
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1
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0
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2
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8
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11
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-3
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3
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| El Grecos |
1
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Hamden Playwright |
6
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(HT 0-3)
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4
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El Grecos
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3
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1
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0
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2
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7
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16
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-9
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3
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| Milford Amigos |
1
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Glastonbury Celtic FC |
4
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(HT 0-1)
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| Championship Final |
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| Hamden Playwright |
0
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Glastonbury Celtic FC |
5
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(HT 0-2)
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The Winners! |
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Hamden Playwright manager Steve Flynn presents the trophy to Glastonbury
Celtic FC
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The Referees: |
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Unidentifed Playwright player seen bribing the ref...
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Both referees, Gaz Archer and Paul Neville, reffed and played! After his fifth game
in a row (playing in 3 and reffing 2) old phart Gaz Archer was so knackered he didn't have the legs to ref the
sixth game. Somehow he found just enough energy left to ref the seventh game, the Final. |
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Many Thanks! |
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Regardless of the results, a great day was had by all of the teams and all participants
thanked the East Haven Irish Club
for the facilities (including THE EXCELLENT
BEER!) and Hamden Playwright for
hosting and organsing a great tournament with great music and great food!
Thanks Steve and Greg!
Cheers!
- Gaz Archer (A Ref and an El
Greco) |
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